I’ve been doing a lot of ‘what if’ thinking lately. For those unfamiliar with that term it is when you keep thinking about what would happen if you did things differently, would the outcome be any different from the one you are experiencing now.
What if I had been nicer? What if I wasn’t as nice? What if I had knocked her about a bit? What if I had not said that I would not give her anymore money? What if I had not become jealous about her being lovey dovey with her exes in front of me?
I know that kind of thinking is not exactly productive but it is a damn site better than what I have been thinking about lately.
I’ve been trying to get things together for when I get thrown out on the streets in the next month or so. He has been offered a place in sheltered accommodation in a matter of weeks which means I’ll be homeless. I’m trying to use it as something to take my mind off the attacks that I’m receiving from everyone.
There isn’t a chance of me staying here as he is accepting £2,000 from the council for giving the property up and money means more to him than family. In fact when his girlfriend asked where I would go his reply was “fuck him, it’s not my problem”.
I’ve been on the council’s housing waiting list since I was 18 (I’m 32 this year) and have never been offered a single thing so there is hardly any chance of me being given anything. Private might be my only chance but they are normally more expensive and they always require a deposit and sometimes even references.
There is one good thing it means that when I move I’ll be able to decorate how I want instead of being told how to do it. I’ve always fancied Progress lighting.
I’m going to start forcing myself to work on my blogs again. I’m going to need a regular income coming in so you will see an increase in blog reviews and adverts on my blogs. I know it annoys some of you but unless I bag myself a job this is the only thing I can think of.
Hopefully it will help me take my mind of the stuff that has been happening lately.