Today, while hanging out with that no good cunt Reiss, I came upon the realisation that there are three different types of people inside of me that are all fighting each other to gain control of my lovely, muscular, well-toned, yet supple, body.

After having a very nice wander around Brick Lane and Spitalfields Market we decided to have a pint in one of the pubs nearby.

I say ‘wander’, it was basically me chasing Reiss around Brick Lane & Spitalfields Market as he tried to lose me by ducking and diving into crowds of people and in front of cars speeding through the crowded market streets, while I took every opportunity to grope women’s arses by pretending I was just trying to get past them.

We stood outside and drank beer and indulged in intelligent conversation, every so often I’d break away from the gripping chat and drool at a female walking past or make a filthy remark and then do a bad Sid James cackle.

I say ‘intelligent conversation’ when in actual fact I mean I bored Reiss to tears talking his ears off while he just wanted to yell in my face “stop talking at me you utter cunt and let me drink my beer in peace!”

It was while outside this pub that I realised that there are three different side to this complex conundrum that we all now and love as Dean. Aside, we all fucking hate Dean and wish he would fuck off and die (You’ll have to listen to the As It Occurs To Me podcast to get that joke).

The ‘Little Deans’ that are trying to take control of my body against my will, like miniature Kim Jong-ils, have been named as Bitchy Dean, Grumpy Dean and a new one that I am going to call Pervy Dean.

I’m not sure which is my favourite, I look upon them all as my children and you know, as a parent, you are not allowed to have a favourite, no matter how incredibly naughty one of them might be and sometimes they deserve to be hit over the head with something big and hard.

I’m not even sure it is a good idea for me to try and pick my favourite ‘Little Dean’, it would be a bit like having to pick my favourite fart, or my favourite musical knowing that I hate musicals with a passion.

So I’ll ask my readers which one they prefer.

Do you prefer Grumpy Dean, who hates everyone and will punch you in the face for breathing the same air as him? Do you prefer Bitchy Dean, who will tear you to shreds with his vicious tongue and insults? Or do you prefer Pervy Dean, who will ogle, drool and make really inappropriate remarks about pretty much any woman who passes him by?

Or maybe it should be “Which little Dean gets on your nerves the least?”

Whatever the case, place your vote …………… NOW!

P.S. Just to make that posh twat Will happy I shall be returning to my normal whoring posts as soon as possible, I know he loves them more than my fat brother loves food. 🙂

Photo by Kristen Price from FreeImages