What did you do for Christmas Day? I spent the day laying in bed watching rubbish TV and stuffing my face with food that never seemed to run out. I didn’t even get out of bed to open my presents until about 9pm. I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure this is what Christmas is all about.
I received some nice presents this year, normally I receive nothing but deodorant and socks (are you bastards trying to say something? Eh?). I received some jumpers, a pair of trainers, about £200 in cash and a lovely robe that Derick Trotter would be proud of!
At 10pm I lit a cigar and had a glass of brandy. I have done this little ritual every year since my friend Will introduced me to the pleasure of doing it one Christmas. It was a nice way to end a perfect day of slobbing and eating.