I was sitting at my computer this evening trying to get some work done when I heard a noise, at first I thought that my dad had dropped something because the dozy old sod is always dropping things. But he was sitting in the front room watching Jerry Springer.

I thought maybe I had imagined it; recently I’ve started to imagine that my dad is calling me, even when it is days when he is at hospital.

As I got back to work I heard it again. The noise was a banging noise and was coming from the hallway. I went into the hall to investigate and heard it again; someone was banging on the glass next to the front door.

I’m not sure why they would do this as we have a very nice buzzer that everyone else uses. As I approached the door this person was now hammering on the window with his fist, he was only a couple of seconds away from putting his hand through our window.

I opened the door and before I even saw who it was I was hit in the face with the smell of cheap cider.

Standing in front of me was a man of about 50 who had clearly been drinking all day.

He said that he had seen his wife Jackie come into my flat and with that he stepped forward like I was going to let him come in. I put my arm across the door and told him that there is nobody called Jackie here. He got annoyed and was adamant that his wife had come in. He then tried to barge past me.

Let us do the maths shall we?

He is 50+, was about 5ft 6 and must have weighed about 9 stone.

I’m well over 6ft 1 and weigh 16+ stone.

What do you think happened?

A) He barged into the flat to discover no wife in my flat.

Or

B) I shoved him and he flew off the doorstep and landed in a heap.

When he slowly picked himself up off the floor he mumbled an apology to me, went out of the front garden, and walked up the road looking rather confused.

It is because of things like this that I keep telling my dad to put the door chain on when I’m not there.

Good night. 🙂

Photo by Alexander Rist from FreeImages