So what have I been up to? I’m glad you asked.
Things got a bit too much for me about six weeks ago and I ended up trying to kill myself for a third time in the space of about a month. Not good. So I took a bit of a break and went offline and turned off my phone to try and sort myself out.
No disrespect to certain people (they know who they are) I wasn’t being a cunt, I just needed a bit of a break away from everyone.
I sold my collection of blogs to some mush that I have known since school. I won’t go into details but I got a sweet deal out of it which meant a lump sum up front plus half of what the blogs make for the next five years.
To be honest my personal blog was one thing that was causing me grief as I was offending people by writing things in it that they disagreed with. Probably missing the whole point that it was my personal blog, but we’ll ignore that.
Things have not been all good. I ended up mixing with the old crowd again. These are guys I hung out with in parks and cemeteries and do nothing but drink cider, smoke weed and eat our own weight in speed.
Thankfully I have now got that out of my system and I’m now trying to look forward. I have an appointment with the doctor to talk about maybe trying some different pills as the ones he put me on made me sick. The tiredness I’m still experiencing is probably from the damage I have done to my kidneys and liver with my suicide attempts.
I’ll probably find out how badly damaged my organs are when I see the doctor on Wednesday.
I had my first session with my counsellor today. I was very nervous because I’ll be talking about rather personal things to someone I didn’t know. Yeah someone who has trust issues, let’s sit him down with a complete stranger and have him tell them everything, should be worth a giggle or three.
Actually it wasn’t that bad, I actually spent the entire session talking about other people. Well one person (not going to name them and it wasn’t anything bad), it was easier than if I had waffled on about me the whole time.
I’m not sure how long I’ll be going to this counsellor because it is £30.00 an hour and although I still have some money from the sale of my blogs, when this runs out there is no way in hell I’ll be able to afford that fee.
I got the number for this counsellor from the leaflets the GP gave me, I phoned them all and they all charge a similar amount. I’ve got enough saved for another three or four sessions I think so what will happen after that I’m not sure.
Apart from talking about someone who isn’t me, I told the counsellor that I used to write a blog that I used to channel my anger into to help me get rid of it. Her response was to encourage me to start it up again and maybe show her a few entries the next time I see her.
I’m not sure about showing it to her but I’m glad she told me to start it up again. Now I have an excuse and if anyone questions me on it I can just tell them I am doing it as part of my medication.