I was turning everything off this evening, in preparation to take myself off to bed, when I noticed something on the floor, I had a proper look and discovered the biggest snail I had ever seen right in the middle of my rug in the front room. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it was bigger than a golf ball.
How on Earth did it get there? I assumed it had crawled in through the backdoor, which we leave open a lot, but there was no tell-tale silver trial, the only other explanation I could think of was that the dog had brought it in thinking it was one of her toys.
I went to put my flip-flops on and when I came back I caught the snail making a drastic last-ditch bid for freedom across my front room. I don’t know what he/she (how do you check the sex of a snail?) thought I was going to do with him/her, I’m not French so I wouldn’t eat him/her and I couldn’t bear the sound of his/her shell crunching as I crushed him/her, maybe he/she thought he/she was going to be fed to the dog as a treat?
I proved the stupid judgemental snail wrong though, I picked him/her up, took her outside and put him/her in the garden to go on his/her merry way. What a lovely person I am and I hope that when the snail meets other snails he/she proclaims this and tells them all that if they ever end up in my flat then they should have no fear because the sexy, intelligent, trendy, man there (me, not my dad – he WOULD eat it) is a caring man and will help you back on your way.