I went out with Reiss and Adriiiiiian! on Friday night, we went to the Ben Crouch pub just off Oxford Circus. I still call it the Gothic pub, although to be honest it looks very tame these days compared to the kind of people that drink in the Intrepid Fox.
Adriiiiiian! was late as he got stuck in a tunnel on a train so it was just me and Reiss until about 9pm. Reiss spotted one of his old school friends so we went over to talk to him, he was with some people and one of the women told me she liked my t-shirt (I wore my “I Don’t Have Tourettes, You’re Just A Cunt” t-shirt) and kept touching me every time she went past … which was worrying as she reminded me of the old soak from my estate who has the hots for me.
When Adriiiiiian! arrived Reiss left me and him and chat about random crap whilst he pissed off with his school mate, which meant I got to hear the same “trapped in the tunnel” story another three times in very graphic detail.
About 11pm we moved onto The Intrepid Fox, I like going there because the beer is nice, the music is normally excellent and the women are fucking absolutely gorgeous but it is always so bloody hot in there. I’m sure the management put the heating on full blast just so people will buy more drinks!
I was lucky again as I managed to bag myself a stool right underneath a fan that was strapped to the top of the bar (a mechanical one, not a bloke who really likes me!). It was the day before I get paid so I ran out of what little money I had left and Adriiiiiian! kindly bought me a drink, which has to be a first!
Me and Adriiiiiian! wound Reiss up by touching him, I do it quite a lot these days not because I fancy him, as I know which way my bread is buttered, but because it winds him up and makes him feel uncomfortable – what a great mate I am!
On the night bus me and Reiss had to stand at the top of the stairs as there was no seats spare on the top deck. We got talking to some gay guy who was talking to Reiss in Russian and making references about how big his boyfriend’s cock was (which went over Reiss’s head … the references that is).
I have been getting buses and trains for years and have had to put up with people either farting or filling the air with their disgusting body odour, tonight I finally struck back after years of suffering odour abuse on public transport.
I let rip with a very silent, and even more deadly, fart, that slowly engulfed the entire top deck, I had to put my head down to stop myself from laughing my head off as people reacted to it with silent disgust as they looked around to try and sniff out (WAHAY) the filthy culprit.