Reiss You Utter Bastard!

Not a bad weekend. I decided to stay in Walthamstow on Friday and have a couple of beers in a couple of the pubs up there. Nothing exciting although Walthamstow seems to be a breeding ground for Polish alcoholics and large drunk loud women.

I got talking to someone in a pub called The Goose (well she actually started talking to me) and when she found out that I was not on Facebook she had difficulty getting her head around that notion. A bit like me when I come across a straight bloke who does not like football.

I had to explain to her in intricate detail that I had deleted my Facebook profile because I was sick and tired of certain people on there plus the amount of crappy application invites that people bombarded me with on a daily basis.

Saturday I decided that since I was not going to attend Alfie’s wedding I would go to the pub and watch England take in the minnows of Kazakhstan. I went into four pubs and none of them were showing the game, they were showing the poxy Derby instead.

The last pub I went into was The Hare, they had 4 people in there watching the racing. The pub is four shops away from the betting shop and the four guys were running to it to put on their bet.

About five minutes to go and a group of about 25 football fans had assembled and wanted the game on. The landlord, fearing a riot, put it on and ignored the groans of the four old men who were forced to leave the pub and watch the race in the betting shop.

I got rather drunk watching the game. The problem when I get drunk on my own is I get bored and lonely so I get an urge to whip my phone out and start sending rather silly and offensive messages to random people in my address book. When I woke up Sunday it took me a while to gain the nerve to check my outbox and thankfully I refrained from sending any ‘weird’ messages.

Well I sent one but it wasn’t really weird, well not by my standards anyway. 🙂 .

Football training was fun. I played up front and managed to score a goal. I played alongside one of Reiss’ mates called James who got annoyed with me for not passing the ball and started swearing at me. I managed to control myself and ignored him but I did tell Reiss if he does it again I might not be so calm & controlled.

Reiss asked me if I fancied going to the Weatherspoon pub in Hackney. I’m being rather tight at the moment as I’m saving up for a holiday in September, but I thought I’d have a couple as the prices are very cheap in those pubs.

Reiss turned up at 9pm and decided that we were going to go to a pub near Alfie’s as he fancies the barmaid. I blew most of the money I brought out with me on bus fare as I left my Oyster at home and I only took out a little bit so I would not spend too much.

I had to be really tight in the pub and make one pint last me while Reiss drank five and openly mocked me, in front of the barmaid he fancies, for being a ‘lightweight’. I played chess with him, I didn’t really want to and I soon started making stupid moves to end the game. Sorry Reiss, chess ain’t my thing. 🙂

On the way back home it was obviously that Reiss was bladdered. We were waiting for a bus in Mare Street when he told me a joke that involved him losing his black mp3 player and his mum getting him another, it was exactly the same except it is now white – like Michael Jackson.

He shouted the entire joke at me and two black youths were standing a few feet away with their girls and they were not pleased. One of them tried to talk to Reiss as we boarded the bus “Oi Michael Jackson”. He pretended to not hear them.

They were very annoyed and I had a feeling they might try and jump him from behind as that happened a previous time I got a bus from Mare Street. So I placed myself behind him so they’d have to move me out of the way first. They obviously realised what an impossible task that would be and they left it.

The old me would have turned around and fought both of them. But I turned the other cheek. I’m sort of like Jesus, but the only difference is I’m real.

At least I think I am. Who wants to pinch me to find out?

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News Reporter
Dean Saliba is a freelance writer, professional blogger, media enthusiast, keen long-distance runner, and huge professional wrestling fan, who covers a wide range of subjects and niches including: making money online, traffic generating, pro wrestling, blog reviews, football, how-to guides, music, internet marketing, athletics, and more.