Someone told me that one of the reasons my puppy might be wrecking my house is due to not getting enough exercise, so I decided to take her to the local park before work and give her a run. Not only is she scared of the park but she jumped up at me a lot and would just sit next to me and whine.

About an hour later I was sitting on the train and getting the normal weird looks, I just happened to look down and saw that my jacket, jeans and trainers were caked in mud and possibly dog shit.

I had to get off the train and go home to change but I found no suitable jeans that I could wear so I took the day off and went clothes shopping instead. I don’t know why I do this as I hate clothes shopping and I also hate having to mingle with the fuckwits that I seem to encounter when I go shopping.

I ended up walking behind a woman who had about 10 bags of shopping in each hand, was walking one step every minute and blocking the entire pavement. I had to resist the urge to kick her in the back and scream at her to ‘get a fucking cab’. Only worse are the idiots who are talking on their phone and will zig-zag in front of you when they see you try and get past!

Last night I went to meet up with Reiss and Fox at The Mucky Pup in Islington. I have not seen Fox in a very long time so it was nice to see the lesbian attacking son of a gun again, even if he did creep me out by telling me about his impotency problems the first time we met.

I knew the night was going to be a bit special when two drunk 30+ year old primary school teachers turned to the three of us and asked rather loudly “Which one of you lads has just farted?!” Of course it was Reiss, it is always Reiss.

I’ve been giving Reiss an absolute hiding on the pool table lately, so much so that Reiss has taken to celebrating rare victories over me by screaming at the top of his voice, grabbing the pool chalk and marking his arm each time.

He was actually quite embarrassing last last night. He spilt his drinks on my jeans & my new coat, was loud, started screaming & shouting when a guy we played pool with touched him on the shoulder and said “well played lads” and was generally an utter arse.

I put it down to the alcohol that he had consumed as he told me that he and Fox had hit a few places before meeting me and downed some very lethal cocktails.