I was on a Megabus coach going somewhere that I can not remember, suddenly it turned into a train and pulled in at a remote train station. The driver gave the announcement that he was going to give us a 20 minute break and everyone piled off to go to the shop and smoke.

When I returned the train was just pulling away from the station, realising I’d be stranded I ran to the front of the train (it was crawling along) and banged on the driver’s window. He did not stop and left me there.

I then turned into a really fat lady (BBW I think they prefer to be called). I decided to sleep on the station platform but I had nothing to sleep on and only my coat to cover me. After much searching I found some old wrestling mats to use as a crude mattress.

Just as I was settling down for the night Timmy Mallet turned up and shouted “Ha! That coat doesn’t cover even half your body!” Hit me on the head with his stupid foam mallet and then disappeared.

Then the Megabus train started to reverse into the station. I was so happy that I gave the driver a huge smacker and dived onto the train and took my seat. But this time the inside of the vehicle was half filled with water and I had turned into a fat red fish.

That is the kind of shit I dream about at night.