I spent the weekend in Manchester. I got the midnight coach up Friday night and pulled into Manchester at 3:30am Saturday morning. I struggled through the city centre among the constant stream of drunk people staggering towards me like zombies, drunken half naked zombies, and caught the bus to Wythenshawe where my ex-girlfriend lives.

For the entire bus journey I had the pleasure of having a man’s arse in my face, he was dressed in only a toga.

I arranged to meet her at her flat at 8:30am, but I told her that I was getting in a LOT earlier than that; her response was to tell me to knock on her bedroom window when I got to her flat. I arrived at 5am.

I spent two and a half hours standing outside her flat knocking on her bedroom window in the freezing cold before she finally got up and let me in. She claims that she was asleep and didn’t hear me, but as I was shagging the radiator to keep warm I suspected she had deliberately ignored my tapping.

I suspect that this was her revenge.

Her son has a PS2 which means that we all have to sit in the dark and watch him play ALL FUCKING DAY! I felt sorry for my ex as she begged him to turn it off so she could watch X-Factor and he refused because X-Factor is shit.

I don’t like him, I took a dislike to him the moment I heard that he punched his mum in the face while drunk. He beats his girlfriend (I actually witnessed him smash a bottle of WKD into his girlfriend’s face because she laughed when he lost on the computer) and he smashes the flat up when he gets angry about small things.

I’ve told her to kick him out, as he spends his benefit money on drugs and drink and then eats all my ex-girlfriend’s food and makes her life hell, but she just shakes her head and says “he’s my son, I love him”.

I will never understand women!

The rest of the weekend was ok. I spent Saturday night getting drunk with her and her daughter and spent Sunday watching Millwall lose to Bristol City on Sky.

The highlight had to be on the coach home when two Asian men jumped off the coach, and despite constant reminders from the driver, ran into the service station shops, the driver drove off and left them behind.