On Saturday I was standing outside the York Pub in Angel minding my own business, with a cigarette and a pint of London Pride on the go, when I was approached by a man asking me to borrow my lighter. Nothing abnormal about that, I gave it to him and he lit his cigarette and gave me back the lighter.

He then said, out of the blue: “Fuck me you’ve got massive feet mate!”

What am I meant to do with that? Am I meant to turn around and say something along the lines of “Oh thank you, they are my best feature.” He then went on to insult me even further by saying that I wasn’t even tall enough to have feet my size. So not only do I have massive feet but I’m also a dwarf.

I was rather taken aback by this, not a lot of people have the balls to walk up to me and insult me while standing 3 inches away from my face, he was either very brave or very drunk. Normally people only become that insulting to me when they are safely behind keyboards on their computers at home.

And no I did not make a joke about people with big feet having big cocks. I stopped making that joke back when an ex of mine said “considering I’ve seen your cock, would you like to rephrase that?” Bitch!

For the record I have a massive member,

Of course for the rest of the night I had that bastard Reiss making clown feet-related jokes

Photo by Reginaldo Andrade from FreeImages