The good mood that I had been put in by having a great time out the night before was soured somewhat when Wayne phoned me about 30 minutes before football training to tell me he had broken his arse and would not be at training. Although that is very amusing I had no way of contacting most of the players and had to hope they turned up.

It ended up being OK. We met a group of Asian guys over the park and had a big match. We spent four hours playing football overall and I am really feeling it now, although it means I’ll get fitter and lose more weight.

I think Reiss was slightly annoyed that I did not follow through with my text of maybe going to The Pup last night as apparently Wes also did not turn up so he was on his own. I apologised and he seemed cool.

As we were walking home through Victoria Park he caught me completely off-guard by blurting out that he thinks me and Thes are ‘getting it on’. My initial reaction was to laugh in his face and tell him that he was crazy. I again told him that we are just friends but I don’t think he believes that, in fact I am sure he does not believe that.

In fact I don’t know why but for some reason Reiss does not seem to think that I can sustain a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex. When we would go to the Hayfield if he saw me speaking to a woman he would immediately start telling me to “get in there my son” (paraphrasing obviously).

He has female friends so why can’t anyone else?

I was sooooo tempted to wind him up and say something like “we went at it like rutting rhinos and I now have scratch marks all down my back and teeth marks on my shoulder” but Thes would probably gouge my eyes out with a spoon, or rip out my testicles with her bare hands, so I restrained myself.

When I got home I was feeling rather tired but I only had time for a quick shower, put on some clean clothes, take the dog out and grab some food before I had to leave to go to a pub called The Hen & Chicken to see a sketch show by King Of Everything.

It was rather enjoyable and I ended up standing at the bar afterwards with another young stand-up comedian talking about the show. I was chatted up by a rather drunk young lady (21, still a kid!) who took more than a bit of a shine to me after her friend was rather rude to me and I responded by cutting her down in front of everyone. That should have sent alarm bells ringing in my head, but it didn’t!

I’m not sure what I did that prompted her to make rather bitchy comments about me, they were standing near us and ended up joining in with our conversation about stand-up comedy. I was behaving myself and did not unleash any of my offensive jokes.

I wanted to get home so I gave her my number without thinking and by the time I got home I had regretted my decision as she bombarded me with text messages around every 30 seconds. I ended up blocking her number, but it was a nice shot to the ego though even if she was mental.

I only attract three types of people: 14 year old girls, gay men and women who have severe mental problems. I’m special. 🙂

By the way if you have not see King Of Everything yet then I say get off your arses and go and check them out. They have hardly any material and improv pretty much everything. I’d like to see that fat cunt from Gavin & Stacy do that!

Image by Phillip Kofler from Pixabay