I Really Hate Cyclists

I have been using a lot of phone credit lately. With my phone plan I get an unlimited text message allowance if I top up £10 the previous month. I send a lot of text messages and I stupidly didn’t do it in June so now I’m paying for it.

On my way to the shop today to buy more phone credit I was crossing a road when a cyclist came speeding behind me and turned into the road. He was on the pavement and almost clipped me as he came from behind.

As he went past he yelled “get out of the road you fucking idiot!” I immediately yelled back “shut up you prick” and carried on crossing the road and walked into the newsagents as he carried on riding, he was laughing.

As I was waiting to be served I just happened to be gazing out the door and saw he had come back and was looking for me. I shouted “I’m in here if you are looking for me”, he stopped and looked around before the owner of the shop pointed and said I was inside.

I went out and asked him if he was looking for me. He was straddling his bike (is that the right term? He was standing but the bike was under him) and immediately became aggressive and said “why don’t you look where you’re fucking going? I’m a fucking cyclist and have right of way, you idiot”. I didn’t agree so I said “not when you come from behind on the fucking pavement you don’t”.

He then spat “You were not looking where you were going you fucking prat!” I could feel myself getting angry but tried to remain calm as I said “How can I see you when you were on the pavement behind me? You’re meant to cycle on the road, you cunt!” He then smiled at me and said “I can cycle where I want you don’t make the rules.”

I got right in his face and asked him if he wanted to get off the bike. He called me a twat and rode off. I went into the shop and got my credit as the owner apologised. He thought we were friends that is why he told him where I was.

As I left the shop I was about half way down the road when I heard a screech of breaks and I spun around to see the cyclist coming up to me. He stopped as he got to me and put his feet on the pavement. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” was hiss line to me. “I’m someone who was trying to cross a road without being hit by a stupid cunt on a bike who rides on the pavement” was my reply.

He was a posh sort of bloke so he surprised me when he said “you think you’re a big man don’t you? Well you’re just a stupid foolish cunt!” It was at this point that he headbutted me with his helmet on. It wasn’t a very hard headbutt but it was enough to make me step back and then punch him in the face.

He hit the pavement like a sack of shit, it was a very good job he was wearing his helmet because his head smashed off the pavement as he landed. His bike, which was under him, flipped up and landed on top of him.

I waited for him to get up as I was ready to start throwing more punches, but he just called me a fucking cunt, got on his bike and sped off.

I fucking hate cyclists!

Photo by Karen Winton from FreeImages

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News Reporter
Dean Saliba is a freelance writer, professional blogger, media enthusiast, keen long-distance runner, and huge professional wrestling fan, who covers a wide range of subjects and niches including: making money online, traffic generating, pro wrestling, blog reviews, football, how-to guides, music, internet marketing, athletics, and more.