I can not hide this shameful secret for a second longer. This terrible secret has been eating away at me for a while now and I feel the need to share it with you as I hope it will lighten the burden on my shoulders. It will probably shock a few people who did not know about this terrible secret as I hid it very well from them.
Yesterday I bought The Daily Mirror newspaper!
Please forgive me and hear me out before you pass judgment on me. I did not want to buy the print publication, I was forced to buy it for my dad so he could pick a horse for the Grand National.
I stood in the shop looking around sheepishly before swiftly bending down, picking up a copy, quickly folding it in half and hiding it inside a copy of Private Eye. I waited until nobody was queuing up before I hurried to the till, handed over the money and almost raced out of the shop.
I feel better now that I have got that off my chest.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been spending Saturday afternoons in a pub near me called The Hare. I will sit in there with a couple of pints and watch the scores coming in on Sky Sports and although I am on my own in there it is quite enjoyable.
Yesterday as the barmaid was pulling my pint there was a loud bang and then no more beer would come out, so I switched to Becks and sat down. She came over to me ten minutes later to tell me that the Carling barrel had exploded and that there was no beer and foam all over the cellar!
Thes phoned me to cancel coming to the comedy club with me as she was very ill, I was a little disappointed but these things happen so I decided to go on my own. Hopefully I would not be molested by any drunk women on a hen night this time.
It was good, Lee Hurst was on form as always. Afterwards I walked from Bethnal Green to Hackney to buy a portion of chips. I’m not sure why I walked as I had my Oyster with me and I’m not sure why I did not buy something from the 100 takeaway shops that i passed on the way.
I’m going to two more comedy shows, one tonight in Belsize Park and another on Monday in Bethnal Green. I wonder if you can have too much comedy in your life? I’ll have been to three in three days and four in the last seven days!