I brought the local newspaper today to help stop me from becoming so bored on the bus journey to work and to be honest I sort of fucking wish that I hadn’t.
I was flicking through when I suddenly saw a picture of a woman that I recognised, in fact not only did I recognise her but I was sure I actually knew her. It turned out not only did I know her but I used to go out with her about 12 years ago when I used to go to school in Seaford, East Sussex.
My stomach felt like it had been ripped out as I read the article which informed me that she had travelled to San Francisco and hurled herself to her death from the infamous Golden Gate Bridge.
I sat on the top deck of the bus feeling slightly sick and very very numb. I had not heard from her in about 2 years but we would sort of bump into each other every now and again, normally in a pub, and have a quick ‘hello’.
Morbid curiosity got the better of me and I read every single inch of the article. She was suffering from depression and they found web sites on her computer about tall buildings and landmarks to commit suicide from.
I’ve had plenty of people die around me and I’ve felt sad. But this is the first time that I’ve felt sadness, anger and been on the brink of tears.
Since I’ve read about it (I’m not sure if it is worse that I found out she killed herself or the fact that I had to read about it in a local paper) I’ve been saying the phrase “You stupid fucking woman” over and over, often out loud.