I went to Watford on Saturday to meet up with a Facebook friend of mine. We had been threatening to do this for about four or five months but something would always get in the way, normally her falling ill.

But the planets had aligned and decided that this weekend would be the time for us to finally meet, sadly there would still be plenty of sick on display.

I wasn’t sure if I would even make it as I had football training in the afternoon (which I wanted to attend as the new season is around the corner) and I think the bus driver on the way home knew I was in a hurry because he spent about 20 minutes at every fucking stop. Thankfully the driver of the 309 didn’t give a shit and sped along like a madman.

After a quick shower and change of clothes I jumped on the train and bumped into about a thousand EDL supporters. They had returned from spouting their hatred and I had to listen to it on the train all the way to Euston.

One crazy ginger-bearded person puts up a sticker declaring that the area is now under Sharia Law and apparently we are under siege? Fuck right off! And take their racist views with you.

We had some drinks in the nearest pub but we had to leave after a couple of hours because she went outside and painted the side of the pub with sick. She was too embarrassed to go back in so we found another pub which was her old local.

We stayed until closing time and I had missed the last train so she kindly offered to let me crash. The only problem now was finding a taxi, the 3 numbers she phoned all had a THREE HOUR waiting list. So we had to sit on a bench in the high street until 3am because all the buses stop at about 11pm! Luckily we had plenty to occupy us.

There was a guy who kept running up and down the high street with no top on and punching things as he ran, bus shops, shop shutters, phone boxes, lamp posts, they all got a whack as he went past them.

And every bloke that saw us said hello to my friend, turns out my friend has fucked a lot of men in Watford. When the cab finally arrived I pointed to the driver and in aloud voice said “have you fucked him as well?” She made me laugh by actually looking at his face before saying “No” and going bright red.