I thought that the glossing would be the part of the decorating that I would fail at and it was kind of true, but nothing that was within my power. My girlfriend told me that I did not need to buy any gloss as she had about six tins of it in her cupboard. When I opened the first couple of tins I noticed the gloss was lumpy and slightly discoloured and no amount of stirring with my sex toy stirrer eradicated the lumps.

She told me the paint had been in the cupboard for over three years, if you didn’t believe paint can go off then leave it in a very cold cupboard for over three years and then open it and see. I should have known it would not be in a good condition when I saw the lid was rusty, hopefully her son hasn’t been pissing on them as well.

It looked a bit like someone had been eating lots of cottage cheese, washed it down with a bit of chocolate, then threw up in little tins, sealed them and stored them in a well ventilated cupboard for over three years.

Still I gave the back of the door a bit of gloss and it looks streaky but it definitely looks much better than it did before I started.

I decided not to waste time glossing the rest of the woodwork and would do it next time I’m up with some new gloss from Wilkinsons, I put the rest of the things out and the bathroom now looks completely different.

Next time I’m up I’ll tackle the bedroom I think.

After struggling to get most of the gloss off my hands we went to her daughter’s for Sunday dinner, her daughter has taken an interest in cooking and she produces some very nice meals – she even does a nice Yorkshire pudding, something I’m not normally a fan of.

Photo by Csuka András from FreeImages