2012 has been rather kind to me at the moment, to the point where I’m finding myself eyeing him up with suspicion, just what are you up to? You’re never normally this nice to me, come on unveil your true intention you utter bastard!

Since the turn of the year I have found that I have stuck to my working routine with relative ease, work is coming in thick, regular and fast, I am training with three football clubs and play for one of them again and my social life seems to be taking a sudden rise.

Tonight I went to watch Custom House (one of the teams I train with) an away game. They seem to be slowly coming together, if only they didn’t have to go 2-0 down to start playing then they might actually get something.

Half way through the first half I had to pee. All the toilets at the ground were locked so I went off to find a bush or a tree at the far end of the ground to relieve myself behind. I found one eventually and after making sure nobody was around I did my business.

It wasn’t until I was zipping up that I heard someone yell “Oi!” at me. I turned around and across the road was a woman looking out of her bedroom window with a pair of binoculars, she had seen me pee behind the tree and was now yelling things like “you dirty filthy cunt!” at me as I waved at her and walked back to the pitch.

I love how someone spying on people in a park can suddenly take the moral high ground when she was doing something I’d consider much worse. I know pissing in a park isn’t nice but I was desperate and all four toilets were locked. What was I meant to do? Tie a knot in it?

After nipping home for a quick wash and change of clothes I headed out to Watford, I had agreed to mind the door for some friends who were holding a joint rave-themed birthday party. I got paid £100 for two hours works and as it was an invite only event I got to say “your names not down, you’re not coming in” more than a couple of times. 

I only stayed about an hour after I finished working the door, I got a call from my friend Julie who lives in Watford and when she found out where I was she insisted I come over and have some beers. I jumped into a taxi to her place where I was promptly attacked by one of her vicious cats.

It was a nice couple of hours, we sat on her bed watching Live At The Apollo, drinking beer, insulting each other and playing music from our youth. It was like being a teenager all over again! I only had to leave when her boyfriend got upset that she had a male friend in the flat and said he was coming over.

So she quickly booked me a taxi to the station and ushered me out of the flat fearing her fella might turn up and kick off. As it turned out he never came over, he just said it to get her to get me to leave.

Why do all my female friends have boyfriends who are so fucking insecure?