I got the nod from the Bow Badgers’ manager to go in goal today. I’m not a goalkeeper by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m the kind of person who will play in any position I am asked to and I happened to be rather decent in goal – well compared to the other players I am.

Playing for Bow Badgers isn’t easy, not only do you have to put up with being mocked for playing for a team called Bow Badgers, but we haven’t managed to pick up a single win or point all season and are the laughing stock of the league. I no longer get changed in the changing rooms because I can’t stand having to listen to our opposition laughing and saying things like “easy game today lads, we’ve got Bow Badgers”.

Having said that – we actually did very well and went into half-time with a 0-0 scoreline. I made some very good saves and the opposition spent their half time arguing with each other and hurling abuse around.

Not long after the second half started and Bow Badgers did the unthinkable – we took the lead!

Could this be our first win of the season?

I was doing well in goal and pulled off a few more good saves and catches and then around the 70th minute a freekick was lofted over and their striker got above everyone and hit it to my left hand post. I dived and managed to claw it away, but it fell to him again four yards out and he tried to put it in the other corner as I scrambled to my feet. Amazingly I threw my legs out and managed to block the second shot and my defenders cleared the danger. Oh surely this was our day – I had just pulled off a fantastic double save from almost point blank range!

With 10 minutes left the opposition went for it and pushed EVERYONE forward and with ten men to mark it became very difficult, but we were holding on.

Sadly with six minutes to go they finally scored. A ball through the defence left me to deal with their striker one on one and he put it neatly past me and there was nothing I could do about it.

THE opposition had the bit between their teeth and continued to pushed ten men up front searching for the killer goal – and sadly it came with about three minutes to go. The ball was cleared out to someone about 25 yards from goal who let fly and despite a full stretch dive from me it nestled in the top corner.

To say it felt like a kick in the bollocks is an understatement. I’d had the best game of my life in goal and I had fuck all to show for it. I was so angry I aimed some kicks at the goal post and nothing anyone could say to me or the backslapping and compliments could cheer me up. I didn’t even want the MOM title they gave me.

What does this team have to do to win a fucking point?

Photo by Diego Sinning from FreeImages