I’ve been pretty lost with myself this past week. Apart from a bit of fun hanging out with Will, on Monday, the rest of the week has been utter shit and I’ve been walking around in a really grumpy mood like a bear with an incredibly sore and tender head.
I know exactly why I have been in this downer of a mood, it is because I have been worrying myself sick about someone as they were really very ill and I couldn’t do anything to help on the other side of London.
I felt so helpless sitting at home and waiting to get little bits of information about how she is doing. Her dad has been very good and has sent me several messages on Facebook to let me know how she is coming along. He keeps telling me to stop worrying.
I had a small chat with her yesterday which really put me in a great mood as I’ve found out that she is finally better. We managed to sort a things out and I now have bit of a clearer idea of what we both want.
I’m sure the lack of sleep is not helping either as I’m staying up to 5am and 6am in the morning to wait for her to come online to see how she is.
I have been trying to occupy my mind so I’m not stuck at home thinking and worrying. Doing those little things I’ve been putting off like trying get insurance quotes for my dad’s life insurance.
Yesterday I went to football. As the bus stopped over a river I was listening to a song called Breathe No More by Evanescence and I envisioned myself slowly drowning in the river in time with the song. That would have probably scared or worried a lot of people but it felt really calm and got me wondering if drowning is one of the better ways to go.
I didn’t last very long at football. In fact I didn’t even get onto the pitch. 18 minutes into the game and I was back on the bus going home. The manager told me I might as well go home as I wasn’t into it and he had plenty of people to cover my position.
I think that might be it as far as football is concerned.