The topic of breastfeeding in public is certainly one that causes a lot of debate. Personally I have always been in favour of it and have seen it as an act that is as natural as walking and talking, it is natural to feed your child and there is NOTHING sexual about it at all from my point of view.
Maybe that was my opinion because I had never seen a woman breastfeed in public before? Well today I lost my breastfeeding-in-public cherry.
Today was time for me to make one of my jaunts up to Manchester to see the mental clan that have been part of my life for the last couple of years. I brought my laptop with me as I was determined to get some work done. I managed to grab a seat at one of the two tables and was joined by an African lady and her teenage girl.
That’s OK, I don’t mind sharing the table with someone if they don’t disrupt me, I didn’t even mind too much when the girl kicked me a couple of times because her mum saw it and told her to stop or she would make her go and sit near the toilet. A threat that made me stifle a laugh. You have to ride on a coach to fully understand why this is such a threat to be wary of.
About an hour into the journey her husband thrust a baby into her lap and the African woman did it. She pulled out her breast and started feeding her baby right in my face. When I say “right in my face” I actually mean it, she was about six inches away from me (the tables are small) and there it was a great big boob hanging freely in the breeze.
What do I do? I can’t move because there is nowhere else to go, I looked at the floor but the woman thought her child had kicked me again so I quickly said she hadn’t and concentrated on a DVD I had slipped into my laptop. I started to feel a bit awkward; I started to think that the lady might think I was looking so I stared out of the window until she was finished.
That greedy baby was fed every 30 minutes … we were on the coach for FIVE HOURS!
It is a bit like going to the opticians and they say that they are going to shine a light into your eye and you should not look at it, we always think or say the same thing: “I’m not going to look at the light” but how many of us find it near impossible not to look at the light when they shine it?
Not that I was looking of course, and anybody who says I was is a liar.
Once I got to Wythenshawe we had to go to the town centre to buy a new duvet as the old one has apparently been used as a toilet by the cats and there was no way in hell I was sleeping with something ANYONE has curled one out on, one of the small amount of rules I live my life by.
Here are some more:
– Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex.
– Don’t bluff more than once in a poker game with friends.
– When running in the park on a hot day, do not take off your shirt if you are a really hairy son of a bitch.
– Do not come on to the new female pastor, unless she winks at you during the sermon.
– People who live in glass houses are idiots.
– Never give yourself a haircut after a 6 shots of tequila.
– You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the tape.
