I have mentioned quite a few times that I have a love/hate relationship when it comes to making trips to and from Manchester to visit friends, and now my girlfriend. I don’t know what it is about taking a Megabus or National Express coach that turns people into animals shoving and scratching each other to get on board first.

I made it onto the coach without too much fuss and a gorgeous chatty woman sat next to me so I thought that it might be a nice uneventful journey for once, but anyone who uses Megabus will vouch that no journey is an uneventful one.

• An African couple argued with the driver because he asked them to fold their pram up so he could fit in more luggage into the luggage compartment, they didn’t want to but they did after he called assistance to have them thrown off.

• While sitting in my seat I glanced out of the window at the line of people waiting get on and saw an Asian bloke standing there with just a carpet tucked under his arm, no other luggage.

• As the coach pulled away a man was standing nearby smoking a cigarette, he looked at me and made the wanker sign at me and then smirked like a 10 year old kid as I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.

• As we were leaving London we passed a man who stopped walking, turned to the passing coach, and saluted it.

• Shortly after leaving Birmingham people started giggling as a very fat black lady tried to squeeze into the tiny toilet with her baby in her arms. She obviously didn’t trust any of us to hold him and she couldn’t even shut the door.

I was just falling asleep when the Asian man in the seat in front of me reclined his chair. All the Megabus chairs recline, I’m guessing so you can sleep without getting back & neck pain, but it makes things hard for me because there is barely any room BEFORE THE SEAT in front of me has been reclined, when the seat goes back it wedges into my legs.

He didn’t warn me he just violently reclined his chair and slammed it into my legs which jolted me out of my sleep and made me punch him in the back of his stupid ignorant head. It was a kneejerk reaction and it was more of a palm thrust than a punch but it hurt him and he lurched forward and then turned around to see what had hit him.

Before he could say anything I told him that he had slammed his seat into my legs and he should be more considerate for other passengers. His reply was ”why did you fucking hit me?”

I repeated what I said (with a few swear words thrown in) but I had obviously shouted it because the spare driver came down the aisle to see what the problem was. I told him what had happened and the lady next to me backed my version up, the spare driver told the guy to have more consideration for other people and that if he had slammed his chair into him he would have hit him as well.

I made it off the coach and to my girlfriend’s house with no more problems. She was not aware I was coming to see her so this was either going to be a lovely surprise for her or I was going to find out in the worst possible way that she is cheating on me.

I knocked on her door and when she opened it her face fell, she was expecting her new washer & dryer but at the door it was only me and my suitcase grinning at her with my funky shorts on.

At least there was no sign of any men in the flat, or maybe they made a quick getaway out the back door.