[wpv-post-body][wpv-post-title][wpv-post-shortcode]Yesterday was football training night with SE Lions, they are the team I play for on a Sunday. I got to Southwark Park early, we normally train & play here, but because of the light we were playing somewhere else and the assistant manager was going to meet me in the park (oo-er!).

I was desperate for a wee so as I was early I started walking around the park looking for a toilet or a quiet spot to urinate without scaring children or elderly people. I found no toilet so I went to a dark corner of the park and unleashed my weapon and started to pee. As I was in mid-flow I heard a voice whistle, I carried on, thinking it was someone calling their dog, and as I was doing my trousers up I heard a female voice behind me say “Hello?”

I turned around and was confronted by four police officers on bikes, three men and one woman. Well I saw police officers, they were actually those pretend ones that only seem to be around to ask for directions.

Before the woman could speak I said that I was very sorry but I was bursting to go and that I could not find any toilets in the park.

She proceeded to give me a lecture while dog walkers were walking around her without picking their dog’s shit up off the grass (one dog did a crap about 10 yards from the police), I didn’t point this out and just apologised as she said if she caught me again she would fine me and possibly arrest me.

As she rode off I was wondering if she had arrested me how did she intend to take me to the police station? I like to imagine that she would give me a backy