Yesterday Acton Town had their first pre-season match against one of our many rivals, South Acton. I played about 70 minutes before I was subbed in order to give Clarkey a run out. I sat on the touchline and watched for about ten minutes before I got pissed off with the poor display and went home, we were losing 2-1 at this point.

It looks like the running and workouts are working as I managed to play for 70 minutes and was only a little bit tired, normally by half time I’m ready to have a heart attack. Hopefully by the time we kick off the season in September I’ll be fitter than I have been in years.

South Acton play two leagues above us and it was 1-0 to them at half time, their goal came because one of our players went off to get a drink while the ball was still in play and one of our three defenders had to rush to cover their position leaving me and Zico in the shit.

In the second half we just collapsed. Leon kept playing them onside when we were trying to step up; this is nothing new as he has been doing this for four years! Valentine was pushing up when he was meant to be a defensive midfielder and protecting the defence. Damien kept letting his man run free so I had to try and pick up both his man and my man whilst he stood near the half way line picking his nose.

That is how their second goal came about, I was marking my man and Damien just let his man run with the ball and then shouted at me for not getting to him before he crossed the ball for the goal. I really lost it and he received a volley of abuse from me.

Every time the keepers kicked the ball to the halfway line I only saw Edward and Daryl going for the headers, the rest of the midfield and attack were pulling out or just standing there and watching.

I did feel sorry for Edward though, he scored our first goal and then about ten minutes later he scored a fantastic lob over the keeper but it was ruled out because this new player we have (the same one who almost got a slap from me last week) was on the line and knocked it in thus the ref blew for offside.

I went to a German beer place in Old Street with Reiss in the evening; we only stayed for a couple of hours the time was filled up by random talk and me making as many Nazi jokes as I possibly could. The beer was actually very nice but I re-injured my wrist when I picked up the huge two-pinter jugs that they give you. We had a couple of shots as well I did not know what they were but they had alcohol in them so I was happy.

Either the German waitress fancied Reiss or she thought we were going to do a runner without paying because she come over and asked for a credit/debit card. I found it a bit dodgy but did not say anything to Reiss as he had no money on the debit card he gave her anyway.

We moved onto The Mucky Pub where we met up with Alfie, Wes and his Belgian girlfriend, I was very disappointed to find out that she was not a paedophile nor was she made of chocolate.

I dropped an entire pint of beer when I tried to pick it up with my newly re-injured hand, I did what I normally do and make a joke about it and gave Reiss some money to get me another one as I hate going to the bar.

We were playing pool and I had put my new pint on the bar, when I turned around to get it I found it had been knocked over and the barmaid was walking our way and she saw it at the same time as I did and we both stared at each other in shock. She then accused me of knocking it over even though nobody actually saw me knock it over (WHICH I DID NOT). She even moaned to Alfie about it.

If I did knock it over I would have made a joke and apologised. That is the last time I’m going in there, the stupid blind fat bitch!

I was sitting on the bus on the way home and suddenly got very angry over it, I’m think Reiss was half-expecting me to get off the bus and go back and have it out with her.

I made the grave error of going the whole day and only eating one apple that I had after football, I’m not sure that it was wise to then drink what I drank on an empty stomach. It was not empty for long as I bought some chips and scoffed them as I was watching some shite documentary on one of those channels on Sky.

Photo by Ryan Vinson from FreeImages