My New Years resolution to cut back on the drinking of alcohol took a bit of a back seat as I did nothing but drink this past week end. Give me a bit of a break, I was celebrating the fact that I had had a blinding week working. 

Friday night I met up with Reiss. We normally go to the same places (Mucky Pup, Big Red, police station, etc) so it was quit refreshing to go somewhere different. Reiss wrote an awesome article recently about the pubs in our area and he thought it would be a nice idea to check out one called The Coborn Arms.

It is one of those pubs you find tucked away down a back street. It seemed nice (famous last words) and I was soon tucking into the Winter Warm ale that was on. When the Loud Mouth Cunt decided to turn up.

The first I knew she had arrived was when she nudged my elbow with her tits and then stood there as my elbow rested in between her cleavage for a few seconds. After some groping she started with some really shit jokes which sort of had no proper punchlines because she kept forgetting them.

Being a great mate I fucked off outside for a cigarette and left Reiss in her company for as long as I could. I think he was actually frightened! 

I think she thought I was the Pillsbury Doughboy because she made a habit of grabbing and poking the ample fat around my waist. We quickly made my escape to Big Red to perv and leer at the scantily clad women in there.

You know what is quite wrong? Even though she was loud, irritating, and probably had a fanny like a hippo’s yawn, I still would.