Scaring Hungarian Women With A Helicopter

My sisters and their children laid siege to our flat last night I made plans to escape and visit a friend of mine who lives in Leyton with her 6 year old autistic son. I get a bit of a kick out of visiting them because we always have a laugh and an enjoyable evening.

The Boys Are Back In Islington Town

I have discovered a secret trick to getting plenty of work done, it is called ‘getting up at 3am in the morning’. I had a cup of tea and some toast and sped through about three days worth of work by 1pm. It had been a few days since I’d last done any work, a [...]

Dean The Hero

I met my mum at the bus stop yesterday because she had some things from my Nan’s flat that she was giving to my dad and she couldn’t carry them on her own. As we were walking along, and she was filling me in on the punch-up that happened the day before, she started pointing.

Not Your Typical Funeral #2

As we left the church things got a bit too much for my mum and she slumped into a chair and started sobbing. Her husband didn’t know what to do but I have many years experience of upsetting women so I waded in and put my arms around her and helped her out to get [...]

Not Your Typical Funeral #1

It may sound incredible for me to divulge to you that in 33 years I have only been to one funeral, that was the funeral of my Great Nan back when I was about 16. I’m not sure if this means anything, have I just been rather lucky not to have lost that many people [...]

The Revenge Of The Shellards

Since I got back from Manchester at the weekend I have been struck down by a cough and a cold that was given to me by my ex-girlfriend’s evil three year old grandson. I thought he loved me as he crawled all over me, snuggled up to me to watch Fireman Sam and randomly coughed [...]

Manchester On A Friday Night Is Like Zombieland

I spent the weekend in Manchester. I got the midnight coach up Friday night and pulled into Manchester at 3:30am Saturday morning. I struggled through the city centre among the constant stream of drunk people staggering towards me like zombies, drunken half naked zombies, and caught the bus to Wythenshawe where my ex-girlfriend lives.

I’m Falling Apart At The Seams

I think my time playing football might be coming to an end. I know I have said this more times than that naughty little boy cried wolf, but I think this time it might actually be happening.

Almost Arrested For Taking The Piss

Yesterday was football training night with SE Lions, they are the team I play for on a Sunday. I got to Southwark Park early, we normally train & play here, but because of the light we were playing somewhere else and the assistant manager was going to meet me in the park (oo-er!).

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