I Am A Horrible Monster
There are many crimes in this world that people will look at as a sick act, these are normally connected with children. Crimes such as child abuse, paedophilia and child murder are all considered very naughty things to do, but nothing comes close to what I did on Friday to my little nephew.
Yesterday I broke my 10 year old nephew’s 10 year old arm.
Before someone grasses me up and has the police kicking my door down I should say that it was not my fault, it was my nephew’s fault. “Wait a minute, Dean couldn’t be so low as to blame his own nephew?” I hear you cry. The answer is yes, yes I am blaming him.
We were playing football in the cage when he dived into a tackle on me. Now I just stood there while he dived into me, bounced off my body and landed on his arm on the concrete.
Being the caring person I am when I stopped laughing I stopped the game and helped him up. Within an hour he was swinging his arms around and mucking about with the other kids as normal so I did not think it was anything serious.
His mum, being the typical crybaby mother, who thinks her child breathing means they have terminal stage cancer, rushed him up the hospital when he complained of a tingling sensation and it turns out he has a teeny tiny hairline fracture in his arm.
On the bad side the family are all blaming me (apparently I should be some sort of ghost so he could go through me) but on the plus side it means that he won’t be getting me into trouble with the caretakers over him and his mate smashing up cabinets, thule racks and Wendy houses all over the estate.
And it means his mother won’t be nagging at me for a while as she has the hump with me.
On Facebook the guilt trips have long since started with both my nephew and my own mother saying things like “you broke my arm” and “aww poor jack has a broken arm 
”.
Now I’m off to steal sweets from babies who have been left in their prams outside sweetshops. 
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Why don’t you tell them you did not do it knowingly. It may happen with anyone. And if you didn’t do it knowingly then you need not to be sad.
Ah you don\’t know my family. They do not believe in doing things by accident. They should do though, all the women in my family had all their kids by accident!
Too bad! I did exactly the same thing some years ago on my sister. :/
I could fill this blog with just stories of horrible, yet really funny, things I did to my sisters growing up.
At 32 I still find it funny when I used to ping their bra straps when they were about 13-15.
My sister told me to open my mouth and close my eyes… she them put a big booger in my mouth.
I will never forgive her for that.
Thank you, now I have to clear up the drink that I just spat onto my screen.
Any rough housing leads to accidents occasionally and this sounds like a complete accident. I wrestle with my kids in the living room bouncing off the couches and occasionally someone bonks their head or elbows someone too hard. We have had the occasional bloody lip or bumped head, but fortunately no broken bones yet.
Many Kids (boys especially) just like physical play and roughness, but it tends to lead to occasional injuries.
The weird thing is I have often wrestled with my two nephews and they have never got so much as a bump or a scratch. Still feel bad though, even though there was nothing I could do as he ran into me.
Since I wrote that post I have found out that it was not a break, the bone had bent, they plastered it like a broken arm to allow the bone to straighten out.
Thanks for dropping by.