I Return To Football & The Club Shuts Down!

Well there were no media reports of hell freezing over as I made my surprise return to football on Sunday when I turned out for Bethnal Green Celtic in what turns out is their last game of the season.

I did not turn up looking to play. I actually turned up with one of my nephews because I was bored and thought I’d go and watch them play a friendly. I’d had three pints of ale before I met my nephew and had another couple of cans while watching the first half.

By half time I was half cut.

I had a bit of a knockabout with my nephew while the players were having a team talk. I say team talk when in actual fact I mean they argued among themselves, slagged off the manager’s tactics and generally ignored what they were meant to be doing.

They asked me if I’d go in goal for the second half. I was a bit surprised because they had seen me drinking beer on the sidelines. I looked a right sight. I did not have any shorts or tracksuit bottoms so had to play in jeans.

But I was rather pleased with the way I played, I only let 2 goals in which was better than the three the first keeper let in and I’m sure nobody had let in less goals than me in the club’s history.

After the game I was starting to ponder about maybe making a return to football. That thought only lasted about five minutes because Wayne then announced that he was shutting the club down, effective immediately.

He is sick and tired of the players not paying their signing on fees or their subs. I was actually the only person who paid their signing on fee. On the one hand I did feel sorry for him but then he told me that he never asks for the money. So my empathy goes out of the window.

There is an option of me going down to Eastbourne to play for a mate’s team but there are two problems with this.

1. The games are played every Tuesday evening and it would mean either racing to catch the last train back to London or paying to stay at a B&B for the night.

2. Kerry lives only a couple of miles away from Eastbourne and I would find it difficult not to go see her and give her a piece of my mind (or penis).

I’m not sure yet, I might just hang on in there and see if I can find a club local to me who is not doing so well. Wayne said he is setting up a new club but I am not going to hold my breath and wait for that to happen to be honest.

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