My Holiday Day Three

You Can Read About Day One Here

You Can Read About Day Two Here

I awoke at about 9am with a bit of a head on me from the alcohol the night before, I actually forgot that I was sharing my single bed and Daphne knew I had forgotten when I twonked her on the head with my arm and she let out a groan.

I did not hit her that hard, I want to make it quite clear that I do not make a habit of getting women into bed and then battering them with my forearm as they sleep soundly! Although, upon reflection, it is a great way to get rid of them in the morning!

I went and had a shower and I started packing my stuff up (I had to be out of the room by 10:30) Daphne went and showered as well, she returned just as I had finished packing, great timing sweetheart!

She wanted to take me to a cafe and buy me some breakfast as we were both hungry after smelling the aroma wafting up from the kitchen downstairs. I’m a modern man and I will happily allow a beautiful woman (or even an ugly one) to buy me things so I was more than happy to eat for free.

Afterwards we walked to Newhaven Town station and after a kiss, and me giving her my phone number, off she went towards the ferry port where her friend was going to meet her with her bag. I stood there watching her lovingly as she turned and waved at me as she almost got run over by a huge lorry.

It was then that I suddenly felt something in the pit of my stomach. Anyone who goes out Saturday night will tell you of the weekly Sunday morning bowel movement and I knew from past experience that my bowel movement was about to make a very unwelcome appearance!

When I used to get these train weekly they always had toilets, that was about 1 years ago, so as long as it was on time then I would not have a problem. I had become quite uncomfortable and started to walk up and down the platform, this obviously did not bother the people on the other platform but on my platform there was only me and a young lady who was so worried by my ‘prowling’ that she left the station in a very speedy fashion and did not return until the train had arrived. Probably assuming that I would not attack her with a train of people on board, oh how little she knew me!

Once on board I tried to seek out the toilet but could not find it, the guard told me these trains no longer have toilets … NOW we have a problem!

I had decided to make a stop in Seaford to have a few last minutes pints before going back to London and as I walked out of Seaford station I had a new mission for the day, the new mission was to find a pub with a toilet that was open to the public at 11am on a Sunday morning!

There are 11 pubs in Seaford, surely one of them would be open at this time? Well not the four that I found. One of them had their doors open but was not open to the public, the bastards!

I started thinking about other places that might have a toilet, places like MacDonald’s. I even thought about going into a church to use their toilet but thought better of it. Just as I was about to give up hope I spotted a sign that glimmered at me like a shining daytime star, it read: TOILETS!

I followed the sign hoping that it was not some kind of cruel hoax, after all what town still has public toilets in this day and age? Well it turned out that not only does Seaford still have toilets but bloody spotless toilets with plenty of toilet paper!

I dived into the only cubicle and just had enough time to put toilet paper over the seat and park my bum before what seemed like the entire world fell out of my arse. After wiping, and saying a small prayer to a God that I don’t actually believe in, I felt much better and possibly left the toilet about a stone lighter.

I wanted to buy some bottles/cans of local beer to bring back home as I had promised to give some to Reiss and Wayne, sadly the only decent offy in Seaford is the one I used to frequent as a school kid called Roy’s Liquor Store and although they had a decent offering none of them were local.

The only beer I could find was the lovely Black Sheep that I had consumed in Hastings the day before. I bought 6 bottles and then proceeded to shove them into my already full sports bag because I was damned if I was going to go home with a bag of clinking noise!

Thankfully the ride back to London was pretty uneventful, no speed-snorting arseholes or screaming children, although I did have to sit opposite two teenage girls who had to be told of several times by the grown-up accompanying them as they kept kicking the table and my shins!

I did feel petty sad as the train pulled out of Seaford station as although I was quite miserable on Friday I did end up enjoying myself Saturday and Sunday. I am planning on going back maybe in the early part of next year, I am definitely going back for the Seaford Live 09 festival in September next year.

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Auto Insurance Comparison Sites Make Life Easy

My brother is currently taking his driving lessons and from what I have been told he is doing well and might even pass his test by the end of the year or early January next year.

One thing he is already moaning on about is the cost of insurance that he will have to fork out when he buys his first car. With all the insurance companies about you would have thought that he would be able to get a decent quote or two to mull over.

There are auto insurance comparisons web sites around that take care of this sort of thing for you, they find the best quote ot suit you needs so you don’t have to. If he chcks out a comparision site like onlineautoinsurance.com I’m sure he will find a good deal instead of bending my ear!

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Turning 30

Today is my birthday. I try to keep it to myself especially as this year I am hitting the big 3 0.

My sister bought me a bottle of Jack Daniels and a t-shirt where it lights up a small piece of plasic that you can write on like a walking blackboard. Her boy Jack also made me a card which I thought was very nice.

Reiss wanted me to come out and have a couple of beers wih him and his girlfriend, and I did want to, but I was knackered from work and decided to take a rain cheque. That is a weird expession, what exactly is a rain cheque?

I’ll go out with him tomorrow and have a few beers.

Work is going well although I am now doing the proper lists I am finding the phoning part quite difficult, especially when I have to phone places like Russia or Norway who don’t speak English.

Turning 30 isn’t so frightening.

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I Have A Job!

I feel that I must apologise for not writing any blog entries for the past couple of days but I have been struggling with the thought of having a job for the first time in over a decade.

My first day actually went better than I expected. It was mainly training and each new person was assigned an experienced reseacher to learn from and to show how to use the database and how to research and input data.

The guy who I had training me was called Lewis and he looked like a skinny version of Harvey Denton from League Of Gentlemen, if he ever asks me to go to his house I’ll run a fucking mile!

The job seems simple in premise: you are given a list (the lists are devided into four difficulty levels) and you must find certain people at a company (it depends what department you are in: technology, finance, etc) and phone them to make sure the database has their up-to-date information.

The people in the office are nice enough. I have a woman sitting opposite me who offers food to people and takes great offense if you decline, a man next to me who I worrying love the way he says the word ‘English’ and there are now three women in the office with the biggest arses I have ever seen!

The downside though is that the train to and from work is always packed to the brim, I once had to wait for the 10th train before I could squeeze on, a record I broke only the other day when I had to wait for the 11th train! THAT IS FUCKING STUPID!

It is going well!

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Putting Your Child’s Safety First

My sister recently had to replace the car seat for her baby. She went out and bought the most expensive one that she could find, assuming that this meant she had bought the one that was the safest for her little girl.

Of course this is utter nonsense as we all know (well most of us at least) that expensive does not always mean safe.

It is times like this that I wish she would have asked me because I could have told her to buy a car seat that is made by a company called Britax.

Britax have only been making car seats for a couple of years but already they have built up one hell of a good following from mothers who are delighted with their product that is not only safe but affordable and stylish as well.

Whether would want to buy their cheapest one at $50.00 or their dearest one at over $300, the only diference (apart from the price of course) is the style of the item.

Maybe I’ll buy her one for Christmas.

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My First Interview In Over A Decade!

When you consider that I have not had an interview in over ten years I would say that the interview this morning went very well indeed. The lady (her name is Tahreem and she is the manager) was very nice and did not seem to notice that I was sweating like a dyslexic on Countdown.

When she told me that I would find out within 48 hours if I had got the job or not the cynical side of me came out and I convinced myself on the way home that they were not going to give it to me.

I had a pint with Wayne before going home. I’ll drink with anyone, especially if they are paying!

About 4pm I received a phone call from Tahreem telling me that the company wished to offer me the job and could I start work on Wednesday. After almost 11 years out of work I had finally gone insane and got myself a job!

I am not ashamed to admit that I did a little jig around the room, it was a very manl jig!

So tomorrow I shall be going to Mare Street to buy a few pieces of clothing for my first day at work in 11 years!

Anything is possible!

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Clothes Shopping & AFC Ealing Lose Again

I went to Mare Street to see if I could buy some clothes for my interview on Monday. I wanted to buy a shirt, a pair of shoes and a pair of trousers.

I managed to find a nice pair of shoes and a nice black & white pin stripe shirt but the only place I could find that sold trousers were Marks & Spencers and I’m sorry but I’m not paying £45.00 for a pair of trousers that I’m only going to wear once.

But I did find a nice new fleece, so things are not all that bad.

I thought I would be late to football but thankfully not only did I get there on time but the away team were very late. I again had to put the nets up and I was a little pissed when at fulltime I had to take them down because everyone else had fucked off home.

We lost the match 2-0 but I was so pleased with my own performance as I put in some great tackles & blocks and I ran the defence along with Jayson & new guy Paul very well for most of the game. If I am not named man of the match then this is the biggest injustice since time began!

After the game I had a quick pint in the pub by the moterway, as I watched the scores come in, and then I headed home to get ready to go out with Reiss and his new girlfriend Fes.

I’d never met her before, she came over a nice enough girl, she found Reiss incredibly funny which was slightly worrying. I had a game of pool with her and was trying to be a gentleman and let her win but then the competitor in me kicked in and I whooped her butt!

I fell asleep in the Mucky Pup and dropped my pint all over the counter, which was very embarrassing, but I guess that is what happens when you have Anemia and don’t treat it.

I am slightly worried though by Reiss’ growing obsession with all things orange. He not only wears an orange tie, wrist bands and shoes but now wear orange facepaint and has died half of his head ginger!

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I’m In Need Of A New Video Card

I hate having to buy things for my computer, things like video cards are not only difficult to install into your computer (well they are for me being 75% and having big fingers) but it is a hard choice knowing which one to get and where to get the best price from.

Mine is starting to die, I think, (I guess that is what happens when you watch countless wrestling shows and clips all day) so it looks like I’ll have to have a punt around web sites like buy.com and see if I can grab myself a bargain.

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I Have A Job Interview

Wayne contacted me Yesterday afternoon and asked me if I was interested in a job at the place where he works. They are apparently desperate for new employees so I quickly created a CV and sent it to him and he printed it off and handed it to his manager with a bunch of others.

Today I received a phone call from his manager asking me to come in on Monday for an interview. Wayne has assured me that this is just a formality but I’m not so sure. It has been a long time since I have had an interview and although I feel calm now I know I will be really nervous as the appointment draws closer.

My dad has already started mocking me and saying that I’m too stupid to get a job. That is nothing new, he has been doing this since I was about 18. I remember him saying it once and not realising my mum was about to walk in and she stopped short of punching him in the face she was that angry.

Tomorrow I shall buy some new clothes before football for my interview.

Hopefully by this time next week I could very well be in employment for the first time in about ten years. So keep your fingers crossed for me!

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My Holiday Day Two

You Can Read About Day One Here

I was awoken at about 5am by the familiar sound of a young child sleepwalking and crying outside my door. Going to boarding school meant I have heard that before, I was contemplating whether I should go out and check on him as I did not want him falling down the stairs but his mother came out and ushered him back into their room.

Thanks to this whinging wandering child I could not get back to sleep so ended up watching cartoons on ITV & Channel 4 before eventually falling asleep again at about 7am but only for a couple of minutes. I was woken up again by the wafting smell of breakfast being prepared downstairs, boy was I regretting not having breakfast, damn by self-consciousness when eating in public!

I decided to go for a walk through the town centre to grab myself something to eat and a local newspaper, I was expecting to be confronted by the same scummy pikey bastards that I saw last night but what I saw was completely the opposite. There was a flea market type thing going on with lots of middle-class and elderly people milling about buying books and nick-knacks.

Today I planned on going to watch Hastings United take on Lewes in a friendly. I worked out with Wayne the night before that going to Ore station would be closer than going to Hastings station. Hastings has the most fucking hills I have ever seen, not once in the eight hours that I was there did I go down a hill! I met God three times!

The game was not very memorable, sadly I forgot to bring my digital camera with me so I could not take any pictures of the mighty Hastings United beating the also-just-as-mighty Lewes 1-0.

With the match over it was now time for drinking, the only problem was I could not find a pub that was open! I walked for almost 45 minutes straight before I stumbled into Hastings Old Town and found a pub, by the time I stumbled into the pub I was panting like a dog.

I went into a second pub and wish I never had. As I was served by a nice young barmaid (who was WAY too friendly for my liking) there was an elderly man sitting at the bar who I could feel was burning a hole right through my head with his eyes.

I ignored him & his apparent hex vision and went and sat down at a table with my pint of Black Sheep, next to the table was another table with newspapers spread out. I asked the landlord, as he came by, if it was OK to read one and he said it was as long as I put it back after I’ve finished so I grabbed a local paper and started thumbing through it.

I then heard the old man start grumbling and every now and again I would look up and see him eyeballing me from his position at the bar. He then started swearing louder and louder until the landlord came over and told him to shut up. The old man did not like this reply and started swearing and pointing at me and the landlord told him if he did not like strangers coming in here then he should fuck off and drink somewhere else.

It ended with the old man storming out in a huff. As I went back to the bar for a refill I apologised to the landlord and he brushed my apology away and explained that the guy hates strangers coming into the town and me helping myself to a newspaper in HIS local pub was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Anyway,” he said, “he will be back tomorrow as normal.”

I wandered into a third pub and was served by a young barmaid who was wearing a top that not only showed her assets but her nipples as well, from my newly found seat I could see she was getting angry because the place had a few young men in and they were blatantly eying her tits.

The fourth and final pub I went into turned out to be not a pub but a restaurant where I had the best roast dinner I have ever had in my life, washed down with a few pints of a beer called something weird.

The barmaid was also acting as the waitress and she was wearing a thong that kept popping out to say hello (despite the many times she pulled her trousers up) because she kept bending over tables; men were obviously having a good look and she, like the barmaid in the previous pub, was getting angry at this.

I understand that barmaids are encouraged to wear sexy outfits but why wear a top that has your boobs fully out and a thong that is clearly on display if you do not want people to lear at you?

I headed into Seaford and checked out some of their pubs (a bitter called Sussex Best Bitter from a Sussex brewery called Harvey’s went down very nicely) before walking into The Beachcomber, a pub that I used to get served in when I was a 17 year old at boarding school and the venue for the called-off Seaford music festival.

I ended up staying in The Beachcomber for a couple of hours playing pool with the regulars and having an absolute blast. I only left because I did not know what time the last train was and I needed to get a train back to Newhaven.

By 10pm I was back in my B&B room and thought I’d nip into Newhaven town centre and have a few more beers before closing time. I was standing in the corner near the bar when a gaggle of cackling women came in and were downing shots like they were going out of fashion.

They saw me on my own being all quiet and shy and made a beeline for me and before I knew what was happening I had been dragged over to their group and was being introduced to everyone as they cackled like witches who had hatched an evil plan concerning me.

One of the girls in the group was called Daphne (her mates kept calling her Daffy which they thought was the funniest thing ever) and we got on very well. She lives and works in France, who would have thought that I would get on with a French person!

We were soon kicked out of the pub as it was closing so the girls kidnapped me and took me to some night clubs in Brighton, if anyone fancies a night out then Brighton has to be the place to go. There were so many places to choose form we barely stayed anywhere for more than 30 minutes.

I got on very well with Daphne, so much so that when everyone was parting ways and kissing each other goodnight she opted to come back to Newhaven with me. I was not sure about the rules of bringing people back to the B&B but when we got back there was nobody around so we sneaked up to my room and did what two single people do.

Part Three Is Now Online To Read!

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