So I’m sitting on a bench at Perivale station waiting for the train that will take me to Bethnal Green, after football training on Thursday evening, when I open a bottle of Coke and it sprays on me a little bit. Right on my crotch.

It now looked like I had wet myself a little bit.

I spent the next five minutes frantically wiping my crotch area with tissues that I had brought to blow my nose with, whilst two blokes tried not to piss themselves with laughter, not forgetting to loudly let people on the platform know what I had done.

I got onto the train and was relieved to find my carriage was empty. So I sat down and put my football bag on my lap to cover my ‘embarrassment’. It was almost dry anyway, I thought it would have dried by the time I got to Bethnal Green (40 minutes later) and the stain would have disappeared.

I soon forgot about it as I was listening to my MP3 player and engrossed in the newspaper.

After finishing my newspaper I looked up and saw a woman sitting opposite me who was looking over at me, when I caught her glance I gave her a quick smile as I folded the newspaper, she responded by smiling back at me.

Normally when I have finished with a newspaper I will merely toss it onto an empty seat for someone else to read when they get on the train. Seeing as there were no empty seats I went to put it behind me on the back of the chairs when she gave me a look that had me thinking that she wanted the paper if I was finished with it.

I offered her the paper and she took it and mouthed “thank you” and gave me another smile.

At that momment I saw we had arived at Bethnal Green station and I got up and slung my bag over my shoulder and got off the train and was halfway up the escalator when I noticed that the wet patch had not gone! The woman who I had been smiling at had seen me stand up and got a sight of me with a wet patch on my crotch area!

I’m glad she never got off the bloody train!

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